EASY
Legacy Name: Miscalculation

EASY had intended to get to work early on the first day of her new job, but she was still getting used to having a physical body. Mostly, she was having so much fun dressing it up and posing in front of the full-length mirror she'd hung in her bedroom, she lost track of time and, instead of early, was almost late.

Her Boss and her lone coworker were both already there when she arrived, striding up as if she'd meant to show up at the last minute. Like her, they were both in humanoid bodies, and even though EASY had seen neither of them like that before, she knew which was which immediately.

The Boss looked like a tall, slender young man with sleek dark hair long enough to reach his pointy chin. His thin lips were smiling (which told EASY she wasn't actually late, because he certainly wouldn't be smiling if she was), and he exuded all the confidence and charisma of the successful businessman he'd dressed like. EASY personally found the tan suit he wore to be sort of boring, but he looked sharp in a professional kind of way. Maybe even handsome, as far as human-looking guys went.

Her new coworker, on the other hand, looked like a huge dork. Not that his physique was so bad—almost as tall as the Boss but with broader shoulders—but he'd dressed himself more like a nerdy science teacher than a businessman (slacks and a vest, really?). He was even wearing glasses when he certainly didn't need them, unless he'd deliberately chosen to give his corporeal body poor eyesight. The eyes behind the glasses were a faded blue color and eerily intent. It didn't help when he flicked them up and down EASY's new physical form like he disapproved.

And I'm sure he does, she thought with a pleased smirk. Not because she'd made herself unattractive; surely even someone with his dismal lack of taste could appreciate how pretty this body was, with its wide violet eyes and long black hair. But she knew he'd hate how she was dressed because nothing matched. Her shoes, striped stockings, and the ribbons she'd tied in her hair were different colors—one of each pink and its mate purple—and her shoes weren't even the same style. Neither were her gloves, and one sleeve of her black dress was long while the other was short.

Just looking at me is going to drive him crazy! EASY gloated, which was exactly why she'd dressed that way.

“Good morning, EASY,” the Boss said. “Glad you could join us.” He was still smiling, so he likely wasn't trying to be sarcastic, just funny.

Which he isn't. He's kind of a dork too, but at least you can't tell it just by looking at him, EASY mused. And since the Boss was not only kind of a dork but also an eldritch Chaos deity who could banish her to Nonexistence with a snap of his long, perfectly manicured fingers, she smiled back like he was absolutely hilarious.

“Morning, sir,” she said; then she side-eyed her coworker and sneered, “Morning, Murasaki.” At the same time, she thought, What a stupid name he chose! When the Boss had ordered them to select names that, unlike their real ones, were pronounceable to mortal tongues, she'd decided on an acronym of her title, which made a lot more sense than some random human name (that meant “purple” and was traditionally given to girls, no less).

“EASY,” Murasaki muttered by way of acknowledgment. He sounded like he approved of her name as little as she did of his.

The Boss continued, “Well! Now that we're all here, just a quick recap of your duties, then I'll get out of your way and let you get to work.” He lifted both hands and gestured along the nigh-infinite corridor in which the three of them stood. The half to the Boss's left, from whence EASY had arrived, had solid black walls and floors, while Murasaki's half to his right was white.

Innumerable doors lined the walls of both sides. . . every one of them opening on a different world or reality within the omniverse.

“You'll choose your game pieces from. . . hmmm, how about here?” The Boss pointed at one of the doors, seemingly at random. “You can pull whatever humans you want—only humans, mind you. In that world, they're the sole sapient species. Then you're to toss them. . . here.” He jerked his thumb towards one of the doors behind him. “That world has a number of intelligent demi- and non-human species living alongside the humans. This little experiment will be more interesting if your game pieces are faced not only with a strange world, but strange compatriots as well. Don't you think?”

“Yes sir,” said Murasaki with a slight nod. His stupid boring face remained impassive even as he sucked up to the Boss just like always. Not just in the necessary “gotta humor him so he doesn't annihilate me” way, but in an “I'm a better employee than EASY will ever be, aren't I, sir?” sort of way that made her want to throw something at him.

He's acted like that from the first time we met! EASY fumed. Like he really thinks he's better than me, just because I'm smaller and younger and. . . irregular. For while her corporeal body was as symmetrical as a humanoid form could get (except for how she'd chosen to dress it), her true, geometrical form wasn't. Her vertices weren't entirely straight and her planes weren't quite parallel, making her appear slightly askew even in the higher dimensions.

EASY hadn't let her irregularity hold her back, and she already had an objectively impressive military career established despite being a fairly young adult, as far as her kind measured things like that. Yet even so, she'd felt self-conscious when the Boss introduced her to Murasaki right after he'd hired the two of them to run what he alternately called an “experiment” and a “game.”

That first meeting with Murasaki had unnerved her because however dorky he looked in his present body, his true form was. . . well, sort of magnificent. He was at least twice her size in every dimension, with an almost transparent iridescent outer shell and a core whose color his blue eyes now approximated—and worst of all, he was perfectly symmetrical.

And while he'd never said anything disparaging about EASY's off-kilter appearance, Murasaki had given her what would have been a desultory look if he'd had eyes at the time. As things stood, it was more of a desultory glimmer, but his disdain for her was clear. After that, he'd paid her as little attention as possible, ignored her as if she were beneath his notice except when the Boss made them interact.

Now, EASY swore silently, I'll make you pay attention to me, Murasaki! You think you're so much better than me, but you're just a civilian and a—a bureaucrat! I'm going to win this game, no matter what it takes, and use those humans to prove to the Boss that no matter what I look like, I'm better. Than. You.

When EASY finally dragged her own attention away from Murasaki and back to the Boss, the latter was continuing his lecture. As she'd noticed before, he certainly loved to hear himself talk.

“Let's review the rules one more time, hmm?” the Boss was saying. “One: only pull humans on the brink of death. I'm particularly interested in the choices they'll make when they believe they've been given a second chance at life, in a new world.

“Two: no helping them after that. I'm sure you'll be tempted to pop in and give your side a little boost from time to time—but don't. Once they've left this hallway, they should never get so much as a glimpse of you again. That would spoil the experiment. . . skew the results, you know?

“Three: when they do see you, when you're pulling them, you're only to appear to them in these bodies you've selected. They'll probably find you strange enough even looking like one of them, so absolutely no appearing in your true forms. Wouldn't want to drive them irrevocably mad, now would we?”

“Heh,” breathed EASY with a grin—not because she was agreeing with the Boss, but because she was imagining how much fun it would've been to toss a stark raving lunatic into the mix.

But Murasaki, big suck-up that he was, muttered, “No sir,” with a frown.

The Boss beamed in response. “Excellent! Now, one last thing: the devices you'll use to monitor what's happening on the chessboard, so to speak. They'll automatically update when there's news on the battlefront.”

He bent to open a briefcase sitting at his feet, pulled two items out, and straightened up again. Its function now completed, the briefcase vanished.

“I asked each of you to choose what sort of device you'd prefer, and happily, I'm able to honor your requests. Here you go!” The Boss held up a laptop in one hand and a folded newspaper in the other.

EASY snickered with a sideways glance at Murasaki, “A newspaper, really? You're such a nerd.” Murasaki didn't react.

The Boss told them, “Use these however you see fit. I won't tell you not to abuse your powers—how you go about your work is up to your own discretion. Only. . . .”

The slender fingers holding the items abruptly became tentacles whose grip tightened over them, even as the Boss's lips kept right on smiling with his next words.

“Don't screw up.”

EASY hadn't had a literal heart for very long, but she recognized its sudden pounding for what it was: nerves.

This time, she and Murasaki said, “No sir,” in unison.

The tentacles became fingers again, and EASY took her new laptop from them with her own hands shaking a little. Murasaki accepted his newspaper and tucked it under one arm.

“I suppose you're all set then,” the Boss said cheerfully. “Any questions?”

EASY shook her head quickly, but with another slight frown, Murasaki said, “Yes. From where are we to work? Do we have. . . offices?”

“Oh! Heh, I suppose physical bodies do need physical bases of operations,” mused the Boss. “Completely slipped my mind. You can work from wherever you want. EASY, would you like an office?”

Pleased that he'd addressed her first, she shrugged and said, “If it doesn't matter, I'd rather work from home.” She was enjoying having personal space and physical. . . stuff for the first time in her existence, and lounging on the couch surrounded by her new plushie collection sounded a lot better than being stuck in a boring office all day.

“That's fine,” the Boss agreed. “What about you, Murasaki?”

“Hmph, I'd prefer a more professional environment,” the latter replied. EASY clenched her hands into fists over the edge of her laptop to resist the temptation to give Murasaki one of those fists in his stupid face. “Although it seems inefficient to work in a separate office if I'll be coming out here every time I pull a human. I'd rather just have a desk here.”

To EASY's chagrin, the Boss smiled and said, “You're quite the dedicated employee, Murasaki!”

Yeah, if “dedicated employee” means “total loser with no life outside your job,” thought EASY. Working out in the hall? How boring!

The Boss snapped his fingers, and a desk popped into existence in the white portion of the corridor, behind Murasaki.

“Now, is there anything else before I go?” the Boss asked them. EASY started to shake her head, but then she realized she did wonder about something.

“Yeah. . . who goes first?” she asked. “Which one of us makes the first move?”

“Hmm. That's a good question.” The Boss put a hand to his mouth, curling his fingers and tapping the pointer against his pursed lips for a moment before replying. “Well, in chess, the rule is that White always gets the first move. I suppose that would be Murasaki.”

One corner of Murasaki's mouth turned up slightly. EASY scowled.

“But!” the Boss suddenly declared. “What are rules for, if not to be broken? EASY, you go first.”

She grinned. Murasaki frowned for almost an entire second before he could regulate his expression.

“If that's all, I'll leave you to it,” the Boss said pleasantly. “I'll drop in from time to time to see how you're getting along, and who's ahead in the game. Good luck to both of you! May the best man—so to speak—win.”

He gave them a little wave, then turned and walked out through one of the doors. EASY and Murasaki watched him go, then looked at one another.

“You know that's going to be me, Murasaki,” taunted EASY. “You might be older, but I'm the one with the experience here. What does a boring bureaucrat like you know about tactics?”

“Not much, perhaps,” he replied with his deep voice flat, nearly emotionless. “Probably as much as a war-mongering brat knows about spirit and determination. I won't let you win, EASY.”

She felt her cheeks grow suddenly hot. At first, she couldn't figure out why, and when she realized she was blushing, they got even hotter.

“You don't have a choice!” she snarled. “I'm going to win because I know all the right moves to make!”

“The wrong ones, you mean.” Murasaki turned his back on her to skirt the edge of his new desk and settle himself into the chair on the other side. “It's really for the best that the Boss is breaking with precedent and letting Black go first. That makes it simpler for White to counter her moves.”

EASY was so angry, she could barely make her new mouth form words: “You—you arrogant, self-righteous jerk! You really think that I'm wrong, and you're right, don't you?!”

Murasaki shrugged his broad shoulders as he unfolded his newspaper and lifted it, pausing to regard her over the top of the pages with his eyes boring into hers.

“That's the whole reason he hired us, specifically, isn't it? This dichotomy we represent. White king and Black queen. . . light and dark, right and wrong, good and evil, et cetera. At first, I thought it was odd that someone who calls himself the Crawling Chaos would set up such an orderly experiment. But now I think I understand. He really does see rules as made to be broken—and that includes your rules, EASY. Those military tactics in which you have so much confidence. . . .”

With a flick of both wrists, Murasaki straightened his newspaper in front of his face, hiding it so that she could no longer see his eyes.

“I'll enjoy watching them shatter.”

EASY's fingers clenched over her laptop so tightly they didn't move, even as the rest of her trembled.

“Murasaki,” she growled, “you aren't good. Maybe you were, once, but you gave up being good when you took this job. Now you're no better than I am. You—you're just like me!”

“Go away, EASY,” he said from behind the newspaper. “Run back to your room and decide on your first move. I'll be waiting.”

She stood there seething, chest heaving with the harsh breaths she wasn't used to taking, while he ignored her continued presence. After a moment, EASY turned on her heel and stomped back down the corridor towards her room. The darkness followed her as she withdrew, leaving the hallway around Murasaki white while EASY's portion remained black.

I'm going to win if it's the last thing I do! she swore, clutching the laptop to her chest in her folded arms. He'll be the one who breaks, not me. And I won't just 'enjoy' seeing it happen—I'll love it.

Thinking of that, she was smiling rather than scowling by the time she reached her bedroom door. She flung it open, marched into her room, and opened up the laptop on her coffee table. As she watched it boot up for the first time, EASY grinned to herself and murmured, “It'll be pretty hard to ignore me once the Black queen has the White king checkmated. . . won't it, Murasaki?”

Master of Plotting

Credits

★ Fan pet for the character EASY from the manga and anime Drifters
★ Profile, chessboard background, and story by Balloon
★ Background image from Drifters anime official art
★ Other images from Drifters anime screenshots
★ Thanks to Jevilstail for letting me adopt Miscalculation!